I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
