Plan B is the new Plan A
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
