Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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