It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
