i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
