I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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