He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
