yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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