I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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