i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
