I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
