you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
