You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
