I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
