low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Everclear isn't food dammit
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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