Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
