I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
