i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
