Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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