i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
