I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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