.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
