Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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