fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
i think im in europe. pls send help
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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