Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
