I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
