yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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