She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Randomize
