There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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