Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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