I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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