She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Randomize
