Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Welp...herpes.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
