I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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