There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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