there's paper in my vomit.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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