my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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