I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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