i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
