my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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