your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
