We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
