Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
