Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
