we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
we're so committed to being not committed
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