You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize