At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
