hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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