PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
