Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
