Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
