Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
