just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
you didnt know i had herpes?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
