One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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