I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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