Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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