i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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