i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
