you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
