We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
