You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
