She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
