My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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