I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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