remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
you didnt know i had herpes?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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