I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
