You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You are a booty call, not a friend.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
