He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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