I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
