based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
