Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Randomize
