I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
